The Lines Guy

“Can I get a quarter?”

(PAUSE)

“So I can call you later!”

This is the funniest pick-up line I’ve ever heard. It happened while I was strolling down the street to head to the drug store. I had to muster all my strength to keep from laughing! But you know what? The guy wasn’t talking to me, which made it even better because I got to see the girl’s WTF? reaction.

I wonder where guys learn these pick-up lines. It’s not like they’re pulling these lines out of thin air, nor are they clever enough to come up with them, so they gotta be getting it from other guys. I mean, guys don’t like to share their feelings so they must be talking about it when they get together: trading pick-up lines, sharing stories, and discussing success rates. Sorry, did I say success rate? I meant fail rate.

Although pick-up lines are pretty lame, sometimes I don’t mind them. You see, with the “pick up lines” guy, you know what you’re getting. This guy is upfront and lets you know that he wants to pick you up. Whether he just wants to get a reaction out of you, flirt with you, get your number, or whatever it is, you know his true intentions. Most guys who use pick-up lines are untrustworthy guys, so if they’re using pick-up lines on you, then they’re using them on a lot of other girls. Knowing this, I try to stay a way from them.

However, then there’s the lines guy. I’ve met a few of these guys here and there, and I could never wrap my head around why I’ve never liked them. These guys are extremely nice: always available when I needed them, always gave great advice, and always gave sweet compliments. But there was just some thing that turned me off about them. I couldn’t figure it out. How could I not like these “nice” guys?

Then finally, while watching a season of The Bachelorette (my guilty pleasure), I figured it out. If you’ve never watched The Bachelorette, it’s a reality TV show where a group of men compete to win the heart of one woman. They go on a bunch of romantic and unique dates (like walking a tightrope up 20-stories high), and by the end of each week, the woman eliminates another man until she comes down to the one in hopes of a marriage proposal.

So in the 6th season, with Ali Fedotowsky, there’s a contestant named Kasey. To all my Bachelorette watchers, you know what I’m talking about, but stick with me! Kasey was one of the sweetest male contestants trying to woo Ms. Ali. He always said, “I wear my heart on my sleeve” and “I’ll always guard and protect your heart.” Aw, how sweet. But Kasey didn’t stop there. He went on and on, giving Ali all these lines about how genuine he was and how he wanted to get to know her, even after Ali told him to just be himself. Finally, it hit me: Kasey was a lines guy.

Now what’s a lines guy? A lines guy says all the right things at the right time like “You’re special,” “You’re not like other girls,” “You deserve to be treated like a queen,” or “I’m always here for you.” These guys just tell you what you want to hear.

Ah, BS. What sucks is you can’t tell if they’re being real or totally playing you. What do you really want?  And you don’t feel special because you know they use these lines on all girls.

So ladies, do you know any lines guys and what do you think of them? How can you tell the difference between a lines guy and a genuinely nice guy?